Writing to a Birth Mom

Writing our adoption profile was one of the most difficult things I’ve had to write in my life. I’ve been a writer all my life, but as I stared at the blank page with the task to tell a birth mother about my family, my mind was blank. How do you summarize your family to someone searching for parents for their baby? How do you tell someone about all the wonderful moments and love in your home, but also recognize that we’re not perfect and life is not all meadows and picnics and candid photos shoots of us laughing?

How do I tell a mother that I could raise her child in the way she dreams for her baby? Who am I to assume I could be a great adoptive parent to this baby? I’m not perfect – not by a long shot – and so writing a glowing advertisement of my family felt forced and weird.

So in the end, I tried to be honest in my open letter to a birth mother. Here’s what I wrote:

“Choosing a family to adopt your child has to be one of the most difficult decisions a mother could make. I’m not sure there are any words we can say to make that decision easier. But we hope through this profile to show you the kind of life and love we have to share with a new son or daughter. We hope it helps you determine whether your dream for your child matches with our family.

As I put together this profile, I thought about all the fun times we have together as a family. But I also thought about how life isn’t always smiling in photos or action-packed family vacations. Our family is not perfect. We have our struggles. We mend hurt feelings. We overcome obstacles. But we believe that is exactly why we are in families. We help each other through the hard days and celebrate the joyful ones together.

Heavenly Father gave us families as a place to learn how to be kind, to share and to put other people’s needs before our own. We also believe families should be a place where a child feels unconditional love. Every child deserves a loving family that can forgive, reassure and be a refuge from the world.

We will give our adopted son or daughter this kind of family. He or she would have all the affection and attention we have given our other children. In fact, he will probably have too much because he will have two older sisters doting on him!

We also want our child’s adoption story to be a natural part of his or her life. We plan to discuss the adoption openly with him, and share as much information about you as you would like. We are also open to discussing an open adoption.

We think it is important for your child to know that you chose our family because you love him so much. We want him to be surrounded by love. If he feels our love daily and learns of the great love you showed for him, then he will know he is exactly where he belongs.”

I’d love to hear from any adoptive parents on how they tackled their profile/letter to the birth mother? And birth mothers, what stood out to you from the profiles you had to wade through to find the right family?

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