I would love to have a son. In fact, I was convinced both of my daughters were boys before they were born. I spent many nights looking at the ultrasounds and claiming the umbilical cord or a shadow was in fact evidence I was having a boy.
I was wrong. And I’m so glad I was. My two daughters are exactly right for me, for each other and for our family. I just didn’t know it then.
So I wasn’t exactly jumping out of the ultrasound chair with excitement when Baby No. 2 was pronounced a girl. I just KNEW she was a boy. I was thrilled she was healthy, but I did have a momentary feeling of loss. It was not disappointment but more like I had to put one vision of my life aside before I could start a new one.
I replaced visions of argyle sweater vests and blue nursery walls with dresses and dolls.
I’m not alone, according to an article on TODAY. Many moms go through a period of “active reframing” when they find out their baby is a gender they weren’t expecting. For most moms, any “gender disappointment” goes away once the baby is born.
I can’t imagine life without my daughters. I am also grateful that I had no idea what I was talking about during those late-night ultrasound searches. But I also think there is no shame in wanting a boy or a girl and allowing yourself to mourn the loss of one dream while celebrating the start of a new one.
I still would love to have a son one day. And because of pregnancy-related heart failure, I am once again re-envisioning my family. More than ever I am realizing that it doesn’t matter what I think I want — boy, girl, biological, adopted, black or white — because in the end, all those visions will be replaced by the family I was always meant to have.
How did you react when you found out your baby’s gender?