Why I am a stay-at-home mom
A friend of mine works while her daughter goes to daycare. Whenever we talk about this situation, I always find myself downplaying my decision to be a stay-at-home mom.
I guess I don’t want her to think I am judging her, or that I think I am more selfless or dedicated because I don’t work full time. I’m not. Every mother I know would readily give up everything for her child and none — working or not — would act against her child’s best interest.
But I am proud that I am a stay-at-home mom. It was not a haphazard choice. It was something I wanted for me and for my children, and my husband and I found ways to make it work.
I realize that by extolling the virtues of stay-at-home moms, I open myself up to the scorn of the mommy blogosphere. So let me add that my choices are just that — mine. I don’t judge others for their choice to stay at home or to work because they have to or choose to or want to.
Being a stay-at-home mom is the best choice for me and my children, and here’s why:
- Sometimes it is about quantity. Not every moment of motherhood is a picture-perfect picnic in a meadow. In fact, those are pretty rare. The real moments of motherhood for me are the day-in and day-out of being with my children while accomplishing the mundane tasks of life. This could be going for a swing in a sheet fresh from the dryer or tasting samples at Costco. Sometimes motherhood is about quality, those fun-filled moments that sear into your memory forever. But as a stay-at-home mom, I’m glad I’m there for all the other moments, too. They may not mean much individually, but they add up to a shared history with my kids.
- I want to raise my kids. I did not want someone else influencing my young children on a daily basis. I want to mess them up in my own unique way. But seriously, I am responsible for my children and want to share my values with them during this critical period of development.
- I am selfish. Some of my decision to stay home with my kids is that I didn’t want to miss anything. I didn’t want someone else witnessing first steps or telling me about first words. I want to be the mom and get all the perks that come with it.
- I am at the crossroads. This is the biggest reason why I stay home with my kids, and it comes from one of my favorite talks by former LDS President Ezra Taft Benson. He encouraged mothers to “take time to always be at the crossroads when your children are either coming or going — when they leave and return from school, when they leave and return from dates, when they bring friends home. Be there at the crossroads whether your children are 6 or 16.”
Why did you decide to work or stay home as a mom?
Erin Stewart is a regular blogger for Deseret News. From stretch marks to the latest news for moms, Stewart discusses it all while her 4-year-old daughter crams Mr. Potato Head pieces in her little sister’s nose.
You are a blessing to your children, and you will never regret staying home with them. You will never, NEVER feel the guilt that working mothers feel…I know because I have been in both the working mom world and the stay at home mom world. The working mom world SUCKS! It doesn’t matter how much money you bring home, and you numb yourself to the routine when you are a working mom. But when the house is quiet, and the kids are asleep and in bed and you are sitting on your couch alone, the guilt floods your soul, and the tears flow because you so desperately want to be at home with them.
One day, at my 13 sometimes 14 hour shift, every day nursing job, I heard The Lord whisper to my soul two little words, “Go home”. I turned in my two week notice and never looked back. Financially, we struggle, but we are making it work. My husband complains, but then he says, “You are needed at home”.
Never go back to work. Your children ARE your work! Your very presence in the home comforts them. Satan took Mothers out of the home on purpose: to destroy it from within…and to render children unprotected and unguarded.
Working moms will probably rend me for saying these things, but this is a fact: Children left to themselves bring their parents to shame. Putting them in daycare, or leaving them in the care of someone else is akin to leaving them to themselves. Mother, your “work” with the children at home will leave a legacy with your children forever, even after you are long, long gone.
You are blessed!
Mrs. P – as one of those “working” mothers, I cannopt stress how WRONG you are!!! What really gets me is you have been there and experienced the situation where you HAVE to work!!!! Yet you judge other women who haven’t been as lucky to escape.
For myself, I have a two year old son, and my husband’s income doesn’t stretch far enough to put food on the table or keep our health insurance. Would you seriously recommend I quit my job in that situation? Honestly I think, no, I KNOW my family is happier when they’re fed. And I don’t have a Jaguar in my driveway, but I’d rather have the peace of mind that comes from a decent insurance plan.
The other side of the coin I’ve seen is my mom was a caretaker for my cousins while my aunts worked. And let me tell you – in a couple of situations, my mom was more then just an amazingly positibve influence in their lives, she became a second mother. It truly takes a village to raise a child, and my mom in her little village, nurtured and cared for, and disciplined every one of those children as well as if they were her own. None of them were “left to themselves” as you seem to think is the case.
My mom watches my son now, and she is happy to have the opportunity to be as close to her grandson as she is to every single one of her nieces and nephews. She wouldn’t have that opportunity if I didn’t work.
Furthermore, my son has an independent streak, that I believe is somewhat in part to “mommy working”. He makes me proud, not ashamed, with his independence and that is going to serve him amazingly well in the future.
Is it an ideal situation? Of course not! I hate my job, and I would do anything to quit, and be home with my son. But what you seem to miss is moms do what they have to do, even if it’s not easy, to do what’s in the best interest of their family.
Mrs. P. I am so happy for you that you are able to stay at home with your kids. It is a blessing. However, blessings come in all shapes and sizes and no one’s blessing are quite the same. Some might not even see the blessing because it’s not the one they wanted. My first blessing came when I was finishing up school, discovered I was pregnant, and needed a job. I found a part time one that would end just about the time that I would be delivering my first child. My husband job stuff didn’t work out and the part time job kepts going (2nd blessing). Then 5 months into surprise pregnancy #2 I was offered a full time position (3rd blessing). I took it hoping to only have to do it for a couple of years and then quit. One month later, husband was laid off and unemployed for nearly 2 years. Another blessing followed when I connected with an old high school friend who helped me get a job with a different company. I have worked for 21 years and every step of the way I have been blessed. I now have 6 kids. Would I give up the working to stay at home with them. In a heart beat. Would they have turned out differently had I been home, maybe. Am I a better mom because I work, I don’t know. In some ways yes, in some ways no. We are all shaped by our experiences. I just know that we are not wealthy. Our house needs about $20K of work done on it. I’m driving an 18 year old car that needs work on it too. I’m trying to pay down debt that we had to take on since we really needed a furnace when the old one died and a car when the old one died too. I make nearly 3 times what my husband makes. There is no way we could pay our very modest mortgage (less than rent), eat and put clothes on our backs on his salary alone.
Hi Erin. Thank you for sharing your reasons for becoming a stay at home mom. I respect and wholeheartedly agree with your sentiment on becoming a stay at home mom. Similar to your story, my husband and I also found ways to “make it work” like you stated above. Before our son was born two years ago, I was a very driven and career-oriented corporate paralegal. However, now I am a full time stay at home mom and I am a happier woman for it. In order to make ends meet on one income, we moved into a small studio, downsized to having only one car to share and also tightened our belts by not eating out in restaurants as often. Unlike before when there were two incomes, now we use coupons, buy generic brands and we don’t spend so much money on entertainment. We don’t have a big house, multiple cars, fancy phones, upgraded cable or overseas vacations. But even without all these luxuries, my husband and I are still very happy because for us, our TOP PRIORITY is being met. I am so proud to have shifted my responsibilities because I get to give my full attention to taking care of my family and being a homemaker. It’s not always easy, as you said, but I don’t regret choosing to be a stay at home mom. It is my pleasure : )
Thank you again for sharing your perspective. I hope you don’t mind, I am posting a link to your article on my blog.
Blessings to you and your family,
Khristine
Founder of Mama Bear Matters, Celebrating Stay At Home Mothers
http://www.mamabearmatters.com