Bedtime grieving

Every night my 4-year-old daughter goes through the seven stages of grief. Blame it on a very poor bedtime schedule as a baby and parents who had no idea what they were doing, but my daughter goes through this nightly grief regimen no matter what we do.

First, she begins with Shock and Denial. It is a complete surprise to her every night that she has to go to bed. “What? You mean I have to sleep now? Outrageous!” So she will often simply ignore our admonition that it is bedtime.

Then, she moves on to the next stage: Pain. This consists of high-pitched screaming as the truth settles in that yes, it is in fact time for bed — just like every other night of the last four years.

Moving on, we find ourselves at Anger. I dread this stage the most because it comes with heel kicking and screaming.

Queue the Bargaining, which means she desperately tries to negotiate some sort of middle ground wherein she gets to read for a while or sleep with the light on. When these efforts fail, Sorrow settles in as my daughter whimpers quietly in her bed.

Fortunately, she finally reaches the end stages of grief as she enters the Reconstruction phase by talking to her doll to calm herself. And then … Acceptance (aka sleep). It’s a mere 24-hour victory, however, because we’ll go through the whole process again tomorrow night.

I’m not sure where we went wrong in my daughter’s sleep training, but I know there has to be a better way. There has to be because as my daughter’s moving through her nightly grief stages, I’m right there with her dreading bedtime.

Any tips for helping a toddler get to bed without the drama?

Erin Stewart is a regular blogger for Deseret News. From stretch marks to the latest news for moms, Stewart discusses it all while her 4-year-old daughter crams Mr. Potato Head pieces in her little sister’s nose.