Don't ignore me! I mean it this time!

I thought that ignoring your parents was a teenage thing, not a 4-year-old thing. Turns out I was wrong.

My daughter has been actively ignoring me for the past several weeks when she doesn’t like what I have to say. She doesn’t say no when I tell her to pick up her shoes. She just turns away as if she didn’t hear me. I never knew that being ignored could make me want to stand outside and scream at the top of my lungs. It is THAT annoying.

So my husband and I took a tip from a parenting book that we love called “Love and Logic.” The basic idea here is that instead of threats and warnings, parents give consequences for misbehavior that are immediate and related to the misbehavior.

So we waited for the perfect opportunity to help our daughter see that ignoring mom and dad isn’t the best choice. We didn’t wait long.

During dinner, I asked my daughter to finish her creamed corn. She ignored me. I asked again. She pushed the corn on the table, and finally on to the floor. I asked her to pick up the corn. No response.

So my husband calmly got on his hands and knees and started picking up the corn for her. At first, my daughter tried to conceal her smile. She had won! Victory!

But then my husband started picking up other things on the floor and putting them in the trash bag with the corn. He picked up some crafts, some books and then (queue ominous music here) the Sit ‘N Spin, one of my daughter’s favorite toys that she had left in the kitchen.

He calmly explained that since he was cleaning the floor anyway, he might as well pick up all of her things because she was unable to clean up her own mess. My daughter cried. I cried privately in the next room.

But then, an amazing thing happened. She stopped crying. We talked about what had happened, and she understood why her toys were gone. And instead of hating her dad, she wanted him to put her to bed and snuggle with her. The next day, she was sweet, happy and didn’t ignore me once. We had the most fun together that we’ve had in weeks.

I know there are many people that will probably think our method was harsh, but that one swift act is going to save me from day after day of threats and revolving-door timeouts. In short, it’s going to mean a better relationship for my daughter and me.

How do you handle defiant kids, or ones that ignore you? Do you think consequences such as the one we used as too harsh for children, or are they better than constant threats and warnings?