Secrets of new moms

New mothers really are a breed of their own. We are out there, mixing with polite society and trying to hide the fact that we spent most of the morning trying to find a shirt not coated in spit-up and breast milk. We then spend the rest of the day hoping no one notices that we wore the stained shirt anyway.

Besides the crusties on our clothes, there are several key things that bond us new moms together:

1. The greatest luxury in life we can imagine is taking a shower — alone. I’m not talking about any sort of spa scenario here, just taking a shower without a baby crying in the background or a 3-year-old peeking behind the curtain to ask why my belly button looks so dark and wrinkly.

2. We secretly still wear maternity clothes.

3. We are dumb. I must have lost at least one-third of my brain cells when this baby was born. Yesterday, for example, I asked my husband if he was going to “vacuum the lawn” anytime soon.

4. Our husbands just don’t get it. No matter how well-intentioned husbands are, they simply are clueless when it comes to babies and the emotional state of new moms.

5. We spend an inordinate amount of time touching, discussing and pondering poop. We examine its color, its frequency and its odor. We also like to talk about these topics with other people in public. A crowded elevator, for example, is an ideal location to ask a stranger if this diaper smells particularly foul.

But for all the ridiculous characteristics of a new mom, there is one universal thread that ties us all together: We are head over heels in love with our babies.

What were you like as a new mom? Any qualities you would add to this list?