Does mom or doc control birth?

My obstetrician scoffed when I handed her my birth plan last week.

“I don’t do birth plans,” she said.

“Well, it’s just what I’d prefer,” I said hesitantly.

She answered, “What you’d prefer is to have a healthy baby and delivery.”

Yes, of course that’s what I’d prefer. But I also thought it couldn’t hurt to itemize a few things that are important to me. I trust my doctor and I want her to do whatever it takes to bring baby and me through safely – even if my birth plan has to go out the window.

My doctor’s initial reaction to my preferences has made me think about the tension between obstetricians who want total control of the birthing process and mothers who want to have the kind of birth they can look back on with fondness and ownership.

A friend of mine recently had a horrible experience with the birth of her second son. During an unscheduled C-section, my friend felt like a mute body on the table. She felt no one was listening to her concerns and that no one would stop to tell her what was happening to her baby or her body. In the end, my friend was grateful for her doctor’s expertise, but wished she had felt like an active participant in her child’s birth.

I appreciated this article in SELF magazine about the growing movement by some moms to “take back their births.” Either with doulas or birth contracts, mothers are taking control of their births.

With my daughter’s birth only days away, I’m hoping to strike a balance between the two sides on this issue. I want my doctor to do what she has to do to deliver my baby and keep me healthy. But I also want to feel like I have some say in how my child is brought into the world.

How do I strike that balance? Did you feel any resistance from your doctors about your birth plan? Who do you think should be calling the shots in the delivery room – the mother-to-be or the doctor?