Controlling the family money

After being sick for three months with this pregnancy and basically in bed and out of the loop, I finally resurfaced recently to find a stack of unopened bills piled up by my husband.

My husband is one of the most helpful husbands I’ve ever seen, but he kind of checks out when it comes to our family finances. I’ve always paid our bills, tracked our money, filed our taxes and paid our tithing. I’m not even sure he knows how much money he makes.

But it works for us. I like knowing where the money is going, and he just wants me to tell him what our budget is every month.

Well, our little arrangement worked well until I found that pile of bills and realized that my husband didn’t take over our finances while I was sick. It’s not his fault, he just didn’t know where to start. So, I spent about two days making sure our water didn’t get cut off, our car registrations weren’t revoked and our medical bills weren’t turned over to creditors.

Fortunately, I was able to straighten everything out, but it made me realize that our financial lives are very one-sided. My husband doesn’t know where our money is, or even who provides our electricity. It made me a little nervous realizing I was the only one who knows anything about our financial picture.

I’ve heard similar stories from female friends recently who are on the opposite side of this scenario. Their husbands don’t tell them where the money is or how much there is, even if the woman wants to be a part of the financial planning. Controlling the money becomes an issue of control in the marriage, and some men and women don’t want to relinquish any of their power.

I hate to think that’s why I’ve assumed control of our family finances. I think it’s more because I’m more uptight than my husband and I can’t stand the thought of not knowing our bottom line at all times. But maybe it’s time to spread the duties (and the knowledge) a little more evenly.

Who takes care of the finances in your family? Does money ever become an issue of control where one partner has all the information and the other is simply told how much to spend?

What do you think is the best way to split financial duties in a marriage so that everyone feels invested and in control?