Can you really baby-proof?

This is how I found my daughter recently:

Yes, she was standing on the handlebars of a bike so she could wash her hands in the sink.

I did what any loving mom would do at this moment. I said, “Honey, stay right there while mommy gets a camera.”

It’s not the first time I’ve been shocked by how quickly my daughter can make a terrifying deathtrap out of a seemingly safe house. When I was pregnant, I did all the pre-baby safety protocols that moms are supposed to do. I bought enough cabinet latches to send at least two children of the CEO at Safety 1st to college. I crawled around on the floor to ensure there were no hidden dangers lurking low to the ground.

I bolted down bookcases and bought those little electric outlet covers, toilet-lid locks and bath mats. Enter a child who comes pre-programmed to find the most dangerous item in the house and put it in her eye, her mouth, her nose or her friend’s nose. And if there’s no sharp object lying about, well you can bet she’ll order one and have it overnight expressed to my house.

Besides her handlebar theatrics, I’ve also found her standing on the kitchen table with a knife. She’s also been spotted dive-bombing from the back of the couch and trying to balance on a rocking ottoman to reach a stuffed animal.

The bottom line is, all the safety precautions in the world can’t really baby-proof a house.

Have your children ever made a danger zone out of a seemingly safe house? What’s a mom to do?