Out-of-control parties

I have never painted my daughter’s face in icing on a cupcake. I have also never spent a good chunk of my daughter’s college fund on birthday party decorations.

This is because I am not insane.

My daughter’s first and second birthday parties consisted of a cake, a candle and a gift. She was happy, I was happy and I got the required cake-smeared-all-over-her-face photo. OK, in the interest of full disclosure, I also had a pi’ata at her first birthday party because lets face it, I’ll use any excuse to buy a pi’ata. (I also had one at my wedding.)

So I don’t understand these over-the-top parties for infants and toddlers whose biggest concern is that they just pooped in their pants.

Do they really care that mom stayed up all night making goody bags to match the “Candyland” theme? Do they really care that the cake is made from scratch and the Barney images sculpted out of icing were done at 2 a.m. by mom?

No. They don’t. Let’s admit it moms, the birthday parties are about you, not the baby. And honestly, I just don’t get spending all that time and money on a party for a toddler who won’t remember it.

And the parties just seem to get bigger along with the kids. I’ve heard of fifth-graders taking limos or getting spa treatments. What happened to cake and ice cream in the backyard?

Do you buy into the big birthday hoopla for 1- and 2-year-olds? How do you celebrate your little ones’ birthdays? What about when kids get older?

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