Tantrums critique

My daughter threw her first official temper tantrum this week. Oh sure, she’s had crying fits in her 13 months of life, but this was different. This was a slam-your-head-against-the-floor-to-get-attention kind of fit.

My husband and I didn’t know what to do. We stood there like idiots as she rolled from side to side, kicked her legs in the air, threw her head back in distress and shrieked. We even left the room at one point in our best efforts to ignore the tantrum, but she just followed us with this look that said, “How dare you leave in Act II, Scene iii of this fit. I was just getting to the best part and you have not been dismissed!”

We had no idea what to do. So, we did the only thing any self-respecting parents could do — we videotaped.

We plan to show the footage to Nicole when she is throwing a similar fit at 15 after we won’t let her go out with a guy named Tony who just shows up at the door with five earrings and a tattoo and keeps calling Nicole “babe.” We’ll whip out this video as she’s declaring she hates us and that we’re ruining her life, and we’ll critique how her tantrum methods have evolved through the years.

“Well, I like that you’ve stuck with the inconsolable backwards head throw. That’s really working for you. But you’re not getting the same range you used to get on your shrieks. Maybe try screaming from your gut instead of your head.”

Oh, she’s going to love us.

To be honest, though, I’ve never been more terrified or bewildered by such a little person in my life. How do you deal with tantrums?